he is the best...

This is the man that been helping me a lot during my PhD study. He is not just my SV, but also like a father, a brother and a friendto me. I could talk from nothing to everything with him. I learnt how to become a kind and helpful person, not just how to become a SUPER good supervisor.

To Pa*l..... THANK YOU VERY MUCH

A new Dr. in town :)

**They're ready to be collected from the Print Centre**

**The 'real' Final Thesis**

Below are the pictures of me 'menggediks' with my baby, hehhhhhehehhee

**Declaration of authorship**

**It's time to take them to the school office**

** DONE!!!!**

** Now you can call me 'DR. SITI ANOM AHMAD'**

(feel free to puke)

Friday, 15/05/2009...

**** This will be another super lengthy entry. ****
**** I should make this entry earlier but been so bz with the baby & other stuff. ****

The date will be one of the other dates that I won't forget in my entire life. Why??? Because that is the date I had my final viva.... the viva to get my Doctorate :). What make it even more important to remember... I just gave birth to Syra Arisha 9 days earlier. Not just that... my parents were here on this important day & I was so happy to share this happiness with them :).

First let see the milestones since I started my PhD:

23/3/2006: Started my PhD at ECS, Uni. of Southampton
Dec'06: Submitted my 9 months report
1/2/2007: I passed my 9 months viva (10 am, Room 8027, Faraday)
Dec'07: Submitted my 18 months report
18/1/2008: I passed my transfer viva (10am, Room 3241, Zepler)
Oct'08: Started writing for my final thesis + ongoing analysis.
Dec'08: My sv said my work is enough & I can concentrate on the report. Gave him the firts few chapters of the final thesis.
Jan-Mac'09: FInishing my writing
13/3/2009: Submit my thesis to the school office
24/3/2009: The date of the viva is confirmed.
15/5/2009: I passed my final viva. (10.30am, Room 2025, Bldg 1)

Now is the time to write about the experience during the viva. It will definitely something sweet to remember...

Here it goes..... I arrived at the viva room at 10 am. Syawal was with me & helped me to set up my notebook. then he left & my feeling that time...NERVOUS!!!. I tried to calm myself by just looking outside. Sharp at 10.30 am, the 2 examiners and my sv came into the room. The moment everybody was settled down, the session began w/out any delay, huhuhu. The internal examiner, also as the chair of the viva gave a short opening. The external asked me about my b/ground. Then I started my short presentation. Just a brief overview on my work.

The viva was mostly on my thesis. The examiners (esp. the ext) went page by page. The ext even have his list of questions, neatly typed & had 9 pages of them, huhhuhuhu. The questions came non-stop like I've been shot from a machine gun & it was really exhausting. But... believe it or not I enjoyed it very much. maybe because I think I can answer most of the questions & for those Q that I didn't really know/sure, I just told them & they're fine with that. The only one time that I felt so low when the ext asked about my work. Seriously I never expect he would ask that Q. I honestly didn't see it coming at all. What I could say is he is so detail in reading the thesis. Anyway, I couldn't really answer the Q but nothing bad happened. he just said I need to explain further in my thesis. As for my internal examiner, he didn't ask much & as far as I could remember, I could answer all his Qs.

The viva ended exactly at 1pm. They then asked me to leave the room. The ext also took a short break went to the gents with my SV. So, I just waited outside. Luckily there are chairs on the corridor. While waiting for the verdict, I met Prof. Ni**on. He was getting into him room & it happened that I sat infront of his room. Looking at my appearance, he definitely knew that I just had my viva and asked me how was I doing?? He seems like a nice guy. Anyway, why is it so important to mention his name in this entry? Well, it's b'cos I heard not so nice things about him. I have 2 m'sian frens that doing Phd with him & the end was not so good.

Pa*l was then called me back into the room. I tried to find some clue from his face but nothing, neither happy nor upset, huhuhuh. I knew I'll pass it's just that pass with what condition? either no correction, minor, modest or major corrections. I was hoping for either minor or modest. The diff between these two is the duration to make the correction which is 1 mnth and 6 mnths respectively. So, my rslt was PASS with modest correction. Yes... I felt so relieved but deep in my heart I was little bit frustrated. I think I deserved minor corection, based on my performance. However, on second thought 6 mnths is better with my current condition. At least i don't have to rush to finish the correction. Anyway, after almost a mnth, the corrections are done & need to give them to both examiners for approval. I hope they'll approve it w/out requiring for any more changes.

Last but not least...I feel so grateful & relieved. I never expect that I could finish my PhD in 3 yrs. I see this as blessing in disguise & also, everything happens for a reason. Why I said this??? Wait for another entry. There's a long story behind this & I really want to share it with everyone. Also, there will be another entry for tips of doing phd, from my view of course.

3wks 2 days

baby Syra is now 3wks & 2 days old & I'm still coping up with the new life. I am so grateful my study is almost over. Yup, it's not over yet as I've corrections to do. It is so difficult to find time to do it nowadays, aarghhh. I hope I could finish within this week as I hope to attend the graduation ceremony but given the condition at the moment, I don't really want to put a high hope. Let see how it goes BUT the most important thing, me & syawal wil hire the gown for photo session purposes, hehehehhe.

On top of that, my family has gone back to m'sia yesterday which means I have to do all the housechores by myself, from settling syra to cooking to doing laundry to everything *sigh*. What a tiring life ahead. Unlike b4, I didn't have to worry a single thing except managing syra. Even though syawal promises to do the cooking but as far as I can see.... naadaa, huhuhuhu. Today, I cooked my own porridge & fried anchovies & for syafique, 2day is the 1st day he didn't have rice for lunch. For the past >30 days, he never missed rice, huhuhuhu. Oooo.. we had buffet pizza at pizza hut for our lunch 2day. he made a drama yesterday & I promised him to take him there yesterday. What drama? let's just say.. he is jealous b'cos everyone is bz with syra. We had a 'mother & son' talk & I think he is much better now but me & syawal have to remind ourselves too, to care for his feeling too.

Anyway, I hope I could maintain my blood level to the optimum level, hehehheheh. It's just sometimes I hope syawal would do some of the housechore without me have to tell him what to do but go dreaming, Anom :(. Ooooh... another visitor a.k.a my FIL will arrive in about 2 wks time. I have no problem EXCEPT the cooking bit. hellllppppp!!!!

PhD stuff

A colleague gave me a link yesterday. he thought it would be useful for my coming viva. Indeed, he is right. Thanks An*y for being so thoughtful & I really appreciate it. It's really good to have a team that always help you in every way.

The article is about the Bionic Arm, very related to my PhD work but in a broader picture.
The link: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/04/10/60minutes/main4935509.shtml
The videos: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4937716n

I read & watched the video with syawal by my side, asking me questions about their & my work. What a good practise for me & I felt much better, even though sometimes I didn't know what is the answer, huhuhuhu. I actually know the answer but I don't know hot to put them in words. As always, my biggest worry is my English.

Anyway, I still have the baby inside me. It's already 5 days after the due date. basically, i don't really have much time until the viva so I have to utilise my time efficiently before the baby comes. Luckily I've prepared everything that I need to do b4 the viva, just need to polish everything. It's just that sometimes I feel my tongue is tied, lost my words, don't know what to say if being asked especially by syawal. I've also prepared myself for the worst case scenario... being induced, huhuhuhuhu. Whatever it is.... just wait & see. InsyaAlah everything will be fine.

Not yet....

Yup...little SA still in my belly. Tomorrow is the due date & will it happening???I guess we just have to wait and see. But... syafique is already super excited about the baby. Every morning when I take him to the toilet, that is the first thing that we talked about. His line is always..."I can't believe the baby is coming soon". I wonder how he will react if it's not happen tomorrow,hikhikhikhik.

As for me, I was really hoping the baby would come out earlier but since it is not happening, so I decide to keep myself bz with my study. In fact, I am in the library now. Try to do some reading. I realize that I've not much time to prepare/study for my final exam after giving birth. There's one last important thing I need to prepare, the thesis summary, huhuhuhu. It's just that I still don't have a mood to look back at my thesis. Must start doing it NOW!!!!. Besides I have appointment with the midwife later. At least by coming here, I managed to do something & at the same time watching my malay drama series that I follow. It seems like I couldn't find time to watch them when I am at home. I couldn't even watched some of my fav TV programmes, like DSM, huhuhu. I think I've missed DSM for 3wks already & there's not catch up for the series in E4 *sigh*. I guess I have to ask syawal to dowload it for me. Now it's S2 of DSM and a fren told me that the production decides to stop it, which means no more S3 ....:(.

On the other thing, my family is doing fine. Ina likes it here, as well as Aqi. But I am not really sure about Abah as he has nothing to do here. He spends most of his time either watching TV or in front of the computer. I told him to take a walk around the neighbourhood but I guess he is not keen to especially alone, as Ina prefers to just stay at home. And also, Ina takes over the kitchen 100%, yay and I think I eat a lot during every meal. This is the only chance for me to eat everything before my confinement begin. So far Ina has cooked all my fav. They also already get used to my 'clean freak' so they tried to make less mess hikhikhik. The only thing that make me angry sometimes is abah always forget to close the front door. He smokes (a lot) & he knows that he couldn't smoke in the house. So he needs to go outside whenever he wants to smoke. So, I have to dble check the door everytime he gets in back, huhuhu. The funny thing is, this morning syafique asked me why 'uang pempeh' keeps coming in and out. When I told him that 'uang pempeh' needs to smoke, he added..."oooo... he smokes a lot". Abah & everyone else heard our conversation & what else could we say except smile. Hikhikhik. In other cases, when we watched the pics taken. In one of the pix, Ina was't smiling & he said, she looks upset & at Abah's picture, his comment was "He looks full". I think b'cos my abah is quite fat, huhuhuh. Anyway, kids are always honest when saying something.

get to stop now...bye2

La,la,la,la...

I actually don't know what to put for the title so la,la,la,la it is. OK.. what to write??

Let's begin with myself. I am still pregnant, huhuhuhuh and the due date is just few days away. I really hope little SA decides to come out to see the world ASAP as I have to prepare myself for the viva but I can't do much on that except just wait & see. I actually feel so blessed b'cause my family is here to help me during the confinement & co-incidently, my viva will be around the same time they are here. I am really grateful to him & what I always pray, I hope everything goes smooth. Based on my postnatal experience with syafique, I think 2 wks is enough to rest after giving birth. Anyhow, I will just 'tawakkal' to Allah s.w.t. as everything happens on his will & I always believe everything happens for a reason.

What I hate about myself is my mood swing.... terrible. I hope my family understands me that I can easily lost my temper, especially when ppl keep asking the same thing like what my father always do, huhuhu. Seriously, my level of patience is at the lowest level at the moment & this is really not good. I am someone who cannot hide my feeling/face expression whenever I am angry/upset/not satisfy/etc,etc. That is why I always prefer to act cool & happy. I also become more sensitive, & this case is only happen between me & syawal. I don't know why but I feel I want to be treated like a baby like how I treated him when he was suffering back pain few wks ago, huhuhuhu. Last night, he almost made me cried with his riduculousness. Luckily, he realized that he made me upset & be more sensible. Thank God for that, if not there will be a thunderstorm in 260 Brdlnds rd. And also, luckily I didn't follow my head wind and tried to cool down myself. After that we made like nothing happened & continued chatting on other stuff.

I met another fren, AM yesterday. AM just passed her viva few wks ago & got another tips from her. AM is English, so she has no problem about language. One of the things that make me nervous is my vocabulary. If the examiners ask Qs, i might know the answer but b'cos of poor vocab knowledge, I might answer wrongly, huhuhu. That is why I need to practise,practise and practise, so I can talk fluently in English. Anyway, AM told me that she was really nervous during her viva & even her examiners noticed that. They even asked her why she was so frightened. When I met Pa*l cple of weeks ago, he told me about AM was so nervous & I thought it was normal for anyone who is having a viva but after meeting her, I realize she must be very nervous that day. So, what I learnt from that is I must learn to control my nervousness & also confidence in myself. One thing for sure, you won't know every answer for every question. Again, I'll try my best & the rest... I'll give myself to Allah s.w.t.

I feel so mch better now, after writing this entry. Till then...bye :)

Nervous....

and scared too :(.

After letting my final thesis lying everywhere in the house, tonight was the 1st time I looked back at it since I submitted it few weeks ago. I've been telling myself to read them again as soon as possible, b'cose I am afraid I might not have enough time to read them thoroughly after deliver. Finally, I managed to start reading it tonight.

The problem is........ I just read Chapter 1 and now, I am really nervous. This is actually the main reason why I keep delaying myself to read them. Suddenly I feel what I wrote in there was crap and it's just Chapter 1. I have another 7 chapters + Appendices to read. I guess after I read the complete thesis, my nervousness level will be to the max. It's like so many hanging words with no continuity between the 1st and the next sentence, huhuhuhu. I wonder what the examiners will think when they read them. I hope they won't notice it too much, pleasssseee.

I always pray that I'll get a very minor correction or even better, no correction at all. However during my meeting with pa*l last Tues, he said that is very unlikely to happen to have a perfect thesis when I told him I afraid to look back at my thesis, afraid I might spot any errors. However, who knows is Allah s.w.t. answers my prayers b'coz He knows better, InsyaAllah. besides, it's not harm in hoping or dreaming, isn't it?

Fortunately, I've prepared the slides for the presentation, as well as the list of Qs that might be asked during the viva and managed to discuss about them with Pa*l. So... what I need to do after this are to refine them again based on our discussion, then practise, practise and keep practising. One of the advices that I received from Pa*l is.... not to worry about what you don't know BUT you have to make sure you know about ur work deeply & must have confidence. If the examiners ask something outside from ur work & u don't know the answer, it's ok to say I don't know. Moreover... it' more about luck on getting Qs that you don't know anything about it. So.. I'll give myself to Allah s.w.t. Please help me during the viva. Hope everything goes smooth, InsyaAllah.

** I actually have a lots of stories to blog but seems like I am too bz with so many things, huhuhu. Must do it ASAP b4 I totally forget about them.

Lovely Friday

I am not sure is it co-incidence or what but for the past few weeks, lots of good things happened to me on Friday, like this time and this time. And today is another lovely friday.

Anyway, I just came back from a chat cum coffee session with my friend, C. She already got her PhD and worked under the same SV with me b4. That is why we are quite close & I don't know, I found it's very easy to talk to her. She is really a nice chap. Well, I met her to get some tips for my final viva & indeed it was really great. This is not the 1st time I met her, seeking for advice. We had the same coffee session after I passed my transfer viva, which is about more than a year ago.

What I learnt while doing PhD is you have to share your misery/happiness with others. I am lucky b'cos I have great ppl around me that always willing to help me in everything. With that I feel better & be more motivated. However, sometimes not all people understand your condition when u're sharing ur feeling but with C, I can easily tell her anything. It feels so great when you're actually on the same page Of course I don't really like to talk about my PhD work to others as each PhD is unique. I prefer to share about the experience of doing it and not on my research.

I am so relieved after the meeting. Now I am happier, feel more positive & ready to face my viva. She answered all my worries b4. But of course I need to prepare for that day. One thing for sure, it's not that easy :). She is also kind enough to give me her final viva presentation for my reference plus some other stuff that she found very useful. She also gave this link that she used as a guidance for her viva:
http://www.geocities.com/andrewbroad/cs/cs710/viva.html. Thanks C, really appreciate it.

We also talked about our one and only SV, Pa*l. We agreed that we are very lucky having him as our supervisor. What make me even happier, C told me that pa*l always said complementary things about me, said I am a very easy student to work with. I guess so as from the beginning, I just follow what he asked me to do as I am not a bright student, huhuhuhu.

Have a good weekend everyone :). Mine?? We don't have any plan yet but I hope the weather will be great & we could make an adhoc plan since syawal is not working this weekend.

Today, 3 yrs ago

The day I officially registered as MPhil/PhD student at ECS, University of Southampton.

I still can't believe it myself that I am almost at the end of my journey. How do I feel?? Frankly, I might be relieved when Pa*l said I could submit my final thesis to the school but just a very little tiny feeling. I think I scared more than anything. Scared if I screw up during my final viva, *sob,sob,sob*. What make me scare even more, I haven't finished my presentation & also the updated lists of possible Q&A that might be asked during the viva. However, my condition at the moment is very unpredictable. At one time I feel strong n' healthy & the next moment, I feel like I'm going to give birth at any time. I plan to show these two things to Pa*l b4 giving birth. It seems like I've to go office b'cos I can't do much at home, huhuhu.

Little update

My SIL & her hubby arrived yesterday for a short holiday here. I will be very bz for the next few days & we basically already have plan until this weekend. However, I need to find times to prepare for my 2 BIG days. Why 2 days?? One is for the arrival of the little missy (scared!!), and the other one is for my final viva (double scared!!!!). I've started remembering the experience of giving birth to syafique and that really make me terrified. The never ending pain...uuuuuuuu, scared,scared, scared.

And about the viva... I've discussed with pa*l about the preparation and there are few things that I need to do. Of course I need to discuss with him again about it. I plan to meet him again b4 my family arrive in the middle of April & also b4 I give birth. i don't think I'll have much time to discuss him thoroughly after the delivery, unless if the baby comes out ealier. I've also told him my prefered date of the viva & I really hope the baby will come out on the due date or maybe earlier.

Anyway.. there's one thing that I want to share here that really meant a lot to me. What is it?? It is the power or prayer or do'a. B4 my SIL arrive, I was very worried of our financial condition b'cos our allowance was a bit late this month. We have bills to pay, visitors to come,etc,etc. Pls remember we just came back from Austria & we used our own money for everything for the trip b4 I could claimed the money back. So basically, we didn't really have much money left after the trip. There's nothing much we could do except waiting & the only option we have is to use the credit card, hmmmph. Honestly, I never prayed to Allah s.w.t anything related to money. I pray almost for everything; for my study, syawal's study, my kid(s), family, etc,etc but never on money. End of last week, suddenly it came to mind to pray from Allah s.w.t to help us about our money problem since I couldn't see any way out. I didn't really pray for him to give us money, but just to ease us when my SIL is here. Everytime after solat, I kept praying for this & I believe something good will happen, sooner or later. And Alhamdulillah... when the new week commenced, things started to change. It was started last Mon when I received my 1st claim from the school. Even though no that much, but it shows something, isn't it? Then yesterday, after picking up my SIL & hubby from Stansted airport, syawal asked me about some money that just been credited to his acc. From the amount, I knew that was one of the claims I sent to mohe. I was +ve I would get my other claim & yup, when I checked my acc this morning, the money is there. And today, syawal told me the allowance is already been credited to the account. Double Alhamdulillah. Of course, the 1st thing that we did was to settle all the bills & debts. Also.. last but not least, my SIL gave some cash to syawal, said that it was from my FIL. yes, my FIL is a very2 generous person. I feel so grateful to Allah s.w.t b'cos my prayers had been answered. I asked for a little but He gave us more. I don't really know how to conclude my story here, but my point is please remember Him in whatever situation you're in, happy, stuck, upset, etc,etc. Believe me, I've been in countless difficult situations while doing PhD and He is the one I will turn to & I feel so grateful with all His belssings.

I think my 'little update' is not little anymore :). The truth, I easily got carried away when I write about my feeling. I know what I wrote here don't really express my true feeling b'cos it's really difficult to write them, especially in English, huhuhu. Got to stop now. Another bz day tomorrow *wink*.

Blessed Friday

Finally....... almost there. Still can't believe it myself. However, I am not in the mood to tell the details. Don't know how to explain how do I feel but I think my feeling is like a fruit cocktail, everything is mix together huhuhu. I am scared, really scared. Just imagine, for the past three yrs I always got something to do and suddenly now I have nothing to do except prepare for the day. I feel empty and lost. Double scary!!!

Well, I'll leave you with the pictures & let them tell the story.

**jeng,jeng,jeng...... at 1.45pm today**

**The receipt (later to be claimed *wink*). Still scared to open the box**

**Five copies**

**Have to make sure everything is OK & correct**

**After everything is done, share my feeling with the 'heartless' him... who else???**

**Me with the receipt. Am I really happy???? Scared is the best word to describe my feeling**

**The receipt.... finally. Alhamdulillah but I am scared, really scared**

** The receipt & my copy... on my desk at the office. Still scared to bring it home. Afraid I might find error when I read it again**

Latex tips: Hyperref colours

Hyperref in Latex refer to \cite (for my references), \ref (link to figures, chapters,etc) and others. When I ran my thesis, I could see all these links are in blue colour. All this while, I didn't really pay much attention to this matter as I normally printed out them in B&W. However, when I printed out my thesis in colour on certain pages, then I saw a problem that I need to find a solution. Yes... all the links are not in black but blue. I am sure if Pa*l sees this, he'll ask me to do something.

As a matter of fact, now the problem is solved. How??? Again... thanks to Google where u can find every single solution for any problems. I just type "color reference in LaTex and tadaaa..... Here is where I found the solution. For my quick reference, I copy & paste them here:

Hyperref package
The hyperref package is useful to make internal (\ref, \cite,...) and external (\url, ...) links clickable, which is quite useful when reading documents. Moreover, it provides options and commands to customize the generated PDF when using PDFLaTeX and specify PDF metadata such as title or author information.

For the impatient: Just try the following command and see whether it fits your needs:

\usepackage[bookmarks, pdftitle={your title here}, pdfauthor={Your name here}, colorlinks=true, linkcolor=black, citecolor=black, urlcolor=black]{hyperref}

So, I opened my .cls file and search the same exact lines as above and change the link, url, ref color from blue to black. Done!!! I am so happy with my achievement, hikhikhikhik.

Anyway, I gave Pa*l my complete draft to him & will wait until he comes back to me. I am positive, I still need to do corrections but deep in my heart, I hope not too many & I can submit to the school soon. Basically, I gave him a copy that look like a real thesis from front to back. Will see what he says, huhuhuhu.

So, as usual whenever I feel like I've achieved something, even a tiny achievement, I always reward myself. How??? Will blog about it later :). Ooooh, I just wanted to share something about it here. yesterday, during lunch, a fren asked me about my writing. So, whenever ppl ask me themselves how am I doing, I always tell them the truth. I may not talk about my feeling/stuff openly (except to syawal of course) but if ppl ask, I never hid anything & keep things to myself. For me, I don't like ppl to talk at my back as I don't like to talk about other ppl at their back as well. If you want to know something, ask urself!!. ***What am I bluffing here????***. Ok, back to our conversation. She asked me didn't I feel tense? My answer.. no. I seriously never felt tense when I'm writing. What I forgot to mention is... I am really2 scared. Scared of everything but mostly what if I screw up?? Aaarghhh. Life is so scary and I just give myself to Allah s.w.t.

bz..bz..bz.. & am tired :(

I feel so tired but I have a deadline to chase which is tomorrow evening & I can't rest now :(. I can barely open my eyes.... sleepy too. Pa*l just told me last Monday on submitting a paper to another conference that he plans to attend & we just had a meeting this morning to discuss what to put in the paper. Even though I have all the bits & pieces, but I still need to work on the structure, bla,bla,bla. The most difficult part is the introduction & I haven't started on that yet. I will meet him again this Fri morning & I should finish the draft by tomorrow. With my current condition, I hope I could at least continue my writing tonight, even little.

I also plan to submit my final thesis b4 syawal's family arrive this middle of March. There is one last chapter that I need to work out. Well, I guess I only can continue my write up after submitting this paper. Oooo.. the deadline for this paper is this Sunday. A very short notice right??? That is why, by hook or crook I've to finish it by 2morrow. Of course there'll be correction after showing it to Pa*l. Ooohh.... my headache is getting stronger.

I really need to dble up my working time and Ya Allah, pls give me strength. Thank God, my darling syafique & the little missy in my belly, both being good, not much trouble. And syawal too, of course. He even cooked today for dinner. I texted him b4 went home, to cook. Luckily he did that. If not, I don't know what'll happen as my hormone is really not stable at the moment.

I also decided not to go anywhere eventhough at 1st I thought of following syawal to Manchester next weekend. Thanks to my hormone yesterday, I told syawal I didn't want to follow him as he never showed he wanted us to follow him. It's like, everytime, it was only me who eagerly wanted to follow him & he didn't really care if we're not with him. I know it's the hormone talking, but at least he could show something to show that I was wrong. But... naah. Besides, after putting a second thought of going or not, I think I prefer to just stay at home. At least I could do some work.

When we're Inns, we thought of going to Barcelona b4 I reach my 36wks. The offer was quite affordable. However, after considering few factors, I decided to give it a pass. the main reason... I think I don't have the energy to go for another vacation after coming back from Inns. My belly is growing bigger, easily get tired & feel uncomfortable too. Plus, the final thesis stuff slow down my desire for another break. That is my priority at the moment. I seriously can't wait this to end.

Ok... back to work time. Luckily, syawal went to office, so less disruption. He's working too this weekend... :). However, how bz am I, I always hv time for all my TV prog. Like tonight, I'm gonna watch Gossip Girl & Desperate Housewives (new season starts 2night).

I am scared...

I gave Pa*l the corrected version of my last 2 chapters of my thesis last Thursday. Remember when I blog about them?? I gave them to Paul at the end of our meeting & I did apologize in advanced if he get headcahe when reading it. His answer was.... 'nnnnoooooo, don't worry'. He also said that he'll read them on Friday & we'll discuss about it our next meeting, which is next tues. I thought I will meet him after coming back from the trip but .....

So I don't really want to think about it until I meet him but everything is changed now. When I checked my email just now, there was one email from him. He attached a word file, about the 2 chapters I think. I haven't opened them as I am really scared to see what he wrote. Eventhough he told me not to worry too much... *uuurghh* but I am postive he still not satisfied with my report. I think I will read them when I am totally ready but at the moment, I will leave it unread, hikhikhik.

I did tell syawal just now on how Pa*l responses very fast in everything, in comparison with his SV. That is the reason why I have to work fast too. Sometimes, there were things he asked me to do & you can see his face expression when u told him, they're not ready yet even though he said OK. Working with him, I really have to work hard as I am not smart. Also, when syawal looked at my draft just now, we both just noticed that my report is quite thin. Oh..oh...But as long as Pa*l say nothing about it, so let it be like that. (The truth.. I am a bit worry though)

Anyway, this is not the first time he made me uncomfortable with his fast-act-response. I still remember when I submitted my trasnfer report in Dec2007. He told me he'll tell me the viva date after NY & I was really happy with that. Instead, the very following week, he already fixed the date, huhu. And now, he has started contacting the external examiner, waaaaa. Dble scary & that is the least thing I want to think of. I want to finish my report first. I don't want to think about the viva yet!!!

T.I.R.E.D

Everytime after I met Pa*l, this is how I feel. I feel like I have totally drained out & can't do anything else *sigh*. Since today is Friday & I've something to do, I'll take early day off today but it's gonna be a bz weekend. My things-to-do-list is longer than I expected. Fortunately, syawal is working this weekend & the weather is not great for the next two days, so the chances of us just staying at home is very high. Hope I will manage to get something done while watching Australion Open Women's and Men's final :).

Anyway, I can't wait to finish all this writing stuff but it seems like it will never end. Pa*l is very +ve about it & he did tell me who is the candidate for my external examiner. Aarrrghhh, double headache. Honestly, I am not excited about the trip to Austria anymore. I am more determine to finish the report. Besides, I proposed something to syawal yesterday. Alternative plan if we can't make it to Austria. Surprisingly, syawal agreed w/out saying much. I am so happy, hikhikhik. What is the plan???? Not to be revealed until it's really happening. It's just a plan, anything could happen, rite. My top priority now is my thesis.

On other diff story, I watched Australi Open men's semi-final. Nadal-Ves*** (can't remember his name, new face) & it was really a good game!!! The game itself took about 5 hrs, rubber set & it was very tough for both players. I really wish Ves** would make it to the final but Nadal being on the 1st seeded for reasons. He deserves to win. So, nadal will meet federer this sunday in final. Tomorrow will be women's final between serena & don't-know-who. Again, my ass will be glued on the sofa. Luckily, syafique is still grounded from everything, so I can watch TV happily, hehhehehehe

Have a nice weekend everyone...

LaTeX tips

Yup... since my 18 mths report, I've used LaTeX instead of MsWord for my report writing. Yes, it isn't easy to use LaTeX but the outcome that make you want to stick with it. No turning back to MsWord. It was really a pain in the ass when I started using it, but not anymore. Thanks to my dear frens, Bash & Pong who helped me a lot that time. The good thing is they have a lot of resources on the net. So, whenever I am stucked, just google it & I could easily find the solution.

Anyway I just found this useful website esp. for beginners. For my reference as I may need them in the future. The tutorial is taken from here.

Latex FAQ
1. How do I do a citation in LaTeX?
2. How do I put in a trademark/registered/copyrighted sign in LaTeX?
3. How do I get an angstrom sign in LaTeX?
4. How do I get a percent sign in LaTeX?
5. How do I get table cells to auto-wrap?
6. How do I label things and reference them?
7. How do I get a degree sign?
8. How do I get "a choose b"?
9. How do I get a square/cube/n-th power root?
10. How do I get nicely numbered equations?
11. How do I reference numbered equations?
12. How do I reference numbered figures?
13. How do I stop latex from putting an extra space after Ms. ?
14. How do I include a package?
15. How do I create a subsection?
16. How do I superscript?
17. How do I draw the double-barred Z (representing all integers), R (all reals), or Q (all rationals) in LaTeX?
18. How do I do italics in LaTeX?
19. How do I get the "for all" symbol (upside down A)
20. How do I include an image?
21. How do I rotate or resize an included graphic?
22. What does Unable to read an entire line---bufsize=3000. Please alter the configuration file. mean?


ANSWERS

1. How do I do a citation in LaTeX?

\cite{sourcename}

2. How do I put in a trademark/registered/copyrighted sign in LaTeX?

\textregistered for (R)
\copyright for (C)
\texttrademark for (TM)

3. How do I get an angstrom sign in LaTeX?

\AA

4. How do I get a percent sign in LaTeX?

\%

5. How do I get table cells to auto-wrap?

Use p{dimen} as the column specification. That wraps them to that width specified by dimen. Example: \begin{tabular}{llrp{2in}}

6. How do I label things and reference them?

\label{labelname} to label
\ref{labelname} to reference
For tables and figures make sure the \label{} comes inside \caption{}

7. How do I get a degree sign?

^\circ (in math mode).

8. How do I get "a choose b"?

{ a \choose b } in math mode

N.B. If you are using the amsmath package, using \choose will cause a Package amsmath Warning complaining about the \atopwithdelims control sequence. Just ignore this warning.

9. How do I get a square/cube/n-th power root?

\sqrt{k} for a square root of k
\sqrt[n]{k} for an n-th power root of k

10. How do I get nicely numbered equations?

Use the equation style:

\begin{equation}
E=mc^{2}
\end{equation}Note: Numbered equations are almost always preferable to unnumbered equations, for which you can use \begin{displaymath} \end{displaymath}.
11. How do I reference numbered equations?

When you write the equation,

\begin{equation}
E=mc^2
\label{eqn:Einstein}
\end{equation}And then when you wish to reference the equation in the prose,
Applying the mass-energy relations given in (\ref{eqn:Einstein}),
we find that...Note: the eqn: in the label is not formally necessary, but will make your code more readable.
12. How do I reference numbered figures?

When you insert the figure the equation,

\begin{figure}
\includegraphics{poodles.eps}
\caption{Commuting canine movements}
\label{fig:poodles}
\end{figure}And then when you wish to reference the figure in the prose,
As seen in Figure \ref{fig:poodles}, the hunting patterns...13. How do I stop LaTeX from putting an extra space after Ms. ?

use Ms.~Name

14. How do I include a package?

\usepackage{packagename} before \begin{document}
Useful package: amssymb -- mathematical symbols and fonts

15. How do I create a subsection?

\subsection{subsectionname} for subsections
\subsubsection{subsubsectionname} for subsubsections

16. How do I superscript?

$E = mc^{2}$

$1024 = 2^{10}$

17. How do I draw the double-barred Z (representing all integers), R (all reals), or Q (all rationals) in LaTeX?

\mathbb{Z}, \mathbb{R}, \mathbb{Q} (you must be using the amssymb or amsmath package)

18. How do I do italics in LaTeX?

\emph{}

19. How do I get the "for all" symbol (upside down A)

\forall in math mode

20. How do I include an image?


\begin{figure}
\includegraphics{imagename.eps}
\caption{Lovely caption}
\label{fig:somethin-you-will-remember}
\end{figure}
21. How do I rotate or resize an included graphic?

use the angle attribute to \includegraphics. For example, \includegraphics[angle=45]{foo.ps} to rotate counterclockwise by 45 degrees. Other possible attributes are:


\includegraphics[width=5in]{foo.ps}
\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{foo.ps} % scale to the width of the page
\includegraphics[height=5in]{foo.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.5]{foo.ps} % scale to 50%
If you want it to be just as wide as the text, use width=\textwidth.

22. What does Unable to read an entire line---bufsize=3000. Please alter the configuration file. mean?

Most likely, you are trying to include an image that is not in PostScript format. Or it may be that your image is PostScript generated on a Macintosh, in which case typing

athena% clg filename.eps

should solve the problem.

23. How do I convert a graphic to EPS?

See here. (I use diff. method for this one)

My Syafique and etc,etc,etc

Syawal & me worry a lot about Syafique. I really hate to say it but I have to admit it.... he is a crier (read 'kememeh' in Malay), *sigh*. yes, he cries over everything/nothing. We discuss about this again and again. I think we've tried every possible approach (harsh,soft, etc,etc) but no success. However, there was one time I thought the problem was over but I was wrong.

I noticed that it will happen if he has a long holiday. For example like last christmas holiday. I think it's getting worse lately like this morning, he cried when we took him to school. Last night, he cried too when I asked him to stop playing computer. *Aaarrrghh*. Me is someone who don't know how to use soft approach. My high pitch voice will easily come when I am piss off/fed up/arguing with something. And of course my voice made him cried even louder, *huh*. Normally, he just cry at school when his frens (read: girls) tease/laugh/etc,ect at him. Ooooooh, I really don't know what else to do to overcome this problem.

I did some googling just now about this matter and in my surprise, it's not just me who face this problem. In fact, there quite numbers of parents who are facing the same problem. One of the responses really caught my interest & maybe I could implement it to Syafique too. One thing I know I will never give up, given that we may be going back to m'sia soon where I can see the situation will very different from here.

Well it sounds like she's wanting attention. Did you start doing more
things with your son a few months back. I noticed you mentioned potty training,
it could be things like this that make her feel like she's not involved
anymore.This COULD be a phase, the reason I say could is because its up to you
to turn it into one. If you let her keep doing it, she'll do it for as long as
she can. The older she gets, the harder it will be to stop.Ours went through the
same thing, she still does every now and then. I finally snapped and started
telling her if she couldn't act like a big girl she could go cry in her room
because no one wants to hear it. I also explained that crying isn't going to
solve problems that I couldn't fix, that it only upsets me and makes me mad.
(Like your juice box thing, if you have no more juice boxes a magic one isn't
going to drop from the sky). So between those too things either she stops crying
fairly quickly, (catches herself and stops). Or we send her to her room to whine
and cry so we don't have to listen to it. You can also try time out. I know it
seems harsh to punish a kid for wanting something or being upset, but there gets
a point when they need to know the behavior is unexceptable. i.e. at
walmart.

On other different thing, we're still waiting for our visa renewal to come back from the home office. I really hope they'll come back very soooon as I can't start my travel arrangement for my 'fishing trip' yet. I afraid if I book the flight/accomm now, what if some problems occur & we can't make it. Maybe I can try to give the home office a call later, ask them about the progress. Seriously, I shouldn't think of it too much but it's really hard not to think about it as I really looking forward for this trip. Hmmmmm.... I only can wait now :(.

My thesis is another thing that make me stress too, I think. Now I am working on the chapters that I have to re-write mmostly everything, but I haven't got the idea on what to write. Aaaaarrgghhh. I've looked at them since this morning and until now still not moving anywhere.

The only thing that make me happier is Australian Open. Last weekend, spent most of my time watched them. Last thursay, accidentatlly I found out I could watch them on BBC interactive. Gosh... how I enjoy tennis very much compared to other sports. However, sadly, Murray didn't make it to the next round. Tomorrow Federer will be played in qtr final match & hope he'll move to the next round.

Ok..it's time for me to get back to work. I feel much better now even though just a litle *sigh*

*sigh*

I had a meeting with Pa*l this morning, our regular meeting. We supposedly meet at 2pm but about 11.30 am he came to me & wanted to see me on that time. Since I had no other plans, no problemo. I was chatting with my 'adik' when he came & we're actually in the middle of interesting conversation. So sad that we had to stop w/out having a proper ending, hikhikhik.

Back to my meeting, I gave him the 1st 6 chapters of my thesis draft last Monday & the rest of it yesterday. Typical Pa*l, he never kept everything I give him to check for so long, that was why I gave him my draft few days b4 our meeting so that we have something to discuss during the meeting. I think after more than 3yrs working under his supervision, I understand his style much better :).

We met for about almost 2hrs & discuss mainly on my thesis. Unlike our usual meetings, normally we start our meeting by talking about 'non-Phd' stuff, but not today. The moment I sat down, we discussed on my work. His 1st comment was on my last 2 chapters & as expected..... not too good, not critical enough, etc,etc. At least he told me in a very polite way. The truth, even he told me in opposite way, I don't mind b'cos me myself realized that those 2 chapters are crap. Easy said... I have to re-write most of everything. And thanks to him, he gave me some points on what to put in that 2 chapters.

After that, we went to each section page by page. The good part from the meeting is even though there are some(???, naah, actually lots of) corrections need to be done but no big thing, like I have to run more analysis or whatsoever. There was one thing I afraid that he might ask me to do it. Luckily, he gave me better idea which means less hassle for me. However, there are loads of things that I need to do especially on the figures *huh*. I did tell him how this final thesis writing is very depressing & as I have do my very best, in terms of words, stories, structures, figures,etc,etc. Easy said everything must be perfect. The part that I hate the most is editing the figures, I tell you... very tedious *sigh*. And of course, he always have answers for everything when I told him how do I feel & he did make me feel better & don't feel so bad after that. Also, he's very picky with this final thesis, compared to my previous reports. I guess my work/thesis will reflect his credibility too so he has to ensure everything is tip top.

I was really exhasuted when I left his room & I think him too. Towards the end of our meeting, I barely could concentrate on what we discussed. Most of the time I just nodded & smile, agreed on whatever he said. There was one time I grunted quite loud I think & rubbed my belly at the same time. I didn't plan to do it of course, I was just too tired maybe & it just happened naturally & he was worry if I was not OK. Of course I was OK :).

OK... whatever it is, I hope I could finish everything on schedule. Think positive, think positive, think positive. I have to work 'double time' after this but in the meantime I want to take cple of days off. The meeting really make me exhausted :( & I've told syawal I won't go to the office tomorrow. Well, after the meeting I felt happy but not that happy. I wont feel happy/relieve not until I submit the thesis to the school & I don't want know who is my external examiner yet. I have a hunch he already has soemone in his mind. Also, for the 1st time since I started my PhD, we didn't set the time/date for our next meeting. I will meet him when the corrections are done. Hopefully I could see him next week.

last but not least........Gossip Girl Season Epi1 will be aired tonight on ITV2, yahhooooooo, XOXO

sleepy.... & little updates

aaarrggggghhh....I am so sleepy at the moment & it's not even 6pm yet!!! And, I don't want to drink coffee b'cos I'll have problem to sleep later on but I don't want to sleep yet, got some works to do.... I know this must be b'cos of the 2 pcs roti canai that I ate just now. I ate 2 pcs of them too yesterday evening that made went to bed early last night & not gonna repeat that again tonight.

Hmmmm..... I am so exhausted these few days but I do feel happy. Why??.. because made some progress on my thesis writing even though not much. Well, we can't really force ourselves to do work related stuff. If you do, the chances of you getting migraine is higher. Besides, I think this all related to our motivation. It happens naturally, if u're up to something than u'll be motivated to do it. Of course this is from my point of view. Different ppl have diff opinions.

Anyway, I met pa*l yesterday. Since few wks ago, I actually was very scared of my PhD. I think not scared but WORRY, is the best word to describe what I felt. Eventhough pa*l said my work is OK & I can proceed with my final thesis writing but deep in my heart I am so worried. My worry is how if the examiner question my method. How if the examiner my work is crap, rubbish, etc,etc,etc..... This has to do with how I want to defend my work. Well, in the yesterday meeting, I spilled out what I felt & he always know how to make me feel better. I guess he is right b'cos he has enough experience in this field. As usual... I will always follow/listen to his advice w/out hesitant. Besides, when I talk to other frens, they also worry the same thing like me. What can I do is pray for the best. InsyaAllah everything will be OK & I hope I manage to complete everything on schedule.

Today, my fren told me about his problem in his study & I feel so pity of him. Comparing him with me, I think he's been through lots of bumps more than me, since he started his PhD. From 9 mnths, labs, transfer & now, he has to do more lab works. We both thought that what he has done so far is enough for his PhD & he just knew about it yesterday. I know he is very2 upset but as usual, he always hide them behind his smile. He is someone with a very kind heart and the god is testing him again. What I could tell him, just to be positive. Maybe it won't turn that bad when he starts doing it. Besides there's nothing much he could do except follow what his sv said. I also told him that when u've been tested again and again by the god, that means the god loves you & you should proud of that. Even though he is not a Muslim, he knows about this :).

Little update on my Little missy.. she moves/kicks a lo nowadays. Now, I can see clearly my belly moves when she moves inside. What a very lovely experience. I wish syawal & syafique could see that too. My little missy is quite shy to show herself in action, I think. My belly is growing bigger & my appetite is not too bad. So far, I haven't experienced nauseaness like few wks ago which is good for me. Oooooo, I went to see the midwife yesterday. She detected sign of protein and blood in my urine sample. I hope it's not that bad but she has to send it for further analysis. I think, I did experience the same thing when I was carrying syafique, but nothing serious that time. Hope the same thing this time. I also aske her if I can have sushi during pregnancy & her answer was..... best avoiding it, huhuhuhu. Syawal has asked to go for a sushi buffet dinner in city centre for so long. So I guess we have to wait until the baby comes out, if syawal can hold his desire which I think is impossible. Maybe he can go with his fren, but with me???? totaly out of the picture.

Well... I am not sleepy anymore & feel much2 better now. Ready to do some drawings & watch TV. Till then.....bye2